Eff Ehm Ell

In the last four days, the following things have occured:

I slipped on the ice while running across the road, and sprained my ankle.

One of the wheels fell off my computer chair.

The front of one of my dresser drawers came off in my hand.

I had holes drilled into my face by a dentist.

I lost my debit card.

The extension cord that I bought to plug my car in doesn't reach the road from the house (which actually doesn't matter, because when I went to plug in my car I noticed that the plug for my block heater had been ripped off, so I couldn't plug my car in anyway. So I need to replace the cord on my block heater).

If anyone wants to stop by and kick me square in the balls, now would be a good time. It's a good thing that I'm single, because if I had a girlfriend, she probably would have dumped me, because that's the kind of week it's been.

I'm going to crawl under my covers with a bottle of Kraken, and I'm not coming out until the universe stops fucking with me. Y'all can kiss my pasty, pimpled ass.